scientists just took me out of the cryochamber and defrosted me in the microwave. fuckhead is engaged, motherfucker is activated. based process is complete. objective: assassinate bill clinton

softe-peach:

comparingmeerkats:

do u ever wonder what ur most noticeable feature is like what do people see first when they look at u

my massive penis hanging out

(via energyprison)

gyuto:

a seventh mysterious monolith just appeared in my shorts lol

roxylalonde:

(via energyprison)

higurashinonakukoronigou:

(via pissvortex)

thecurelulz:

pissvortex:

the guy running for senate against North Carolina’s incumbent republican senator (who just got diagnosed with covid) is currently in the midst of a scandal because he chose to cheat on his wife in the lamest fucking way possible

like there is a very real possibility that republicans keep the senate for the next 4 years because Cal Cunningham was overwhelmed by his urge to text one of his staffers how he can’t wait to “kiss a lot”

(via hun83rd)

(via sovietnam)

sketiana:

sketiana:

its proven that if the first vowel in your name is ‘a’ youre pretty & cute if its 'e’ youre a slut whore if its 'o’ youre stupid

we’re gonna do ket together in this warehouse

(via swarnpert)